Bathroom talk is for bathrooms

I almost forgot how naive, uninhibited, raw and well, childish, the humor of a five year old can be. Lately we've been faced with a bathroom-talk epidemic in the Purple Room. 

The boys of the class have recently discovered the phenomenon that is making fart noises with the convenient pairing of a hand and an armpit.  They also discovered it doesn't have to be your own armpit to make this magical music. I anticipate this habit will end shortly after the first boy develops odorous sweat glands, but I have faith and hope that it will end sooner.  

Nothing is funnier than when someone passes gas during meeting.

 "I don't know why you're laughing, this happens to everyone. Please put bubbles in your mouth and continue listening to the story," I say.  

They look at me as if I'm nuts. Maybe I am. I have to suppress my giggles too. 

Two students were laughing to themselves in Dramatic Play. "What's going on over here?" I ask. 

"Nothing." Followed by more giggles.

I glare.

Dennis (the Menace):My brudder said naked.

Lil Genius: Yeah and I know what it means.

They continue to repeat the N(aked) word back and forth until I decide this is a battle I'd rather just walk away from. 

Yesterday we were on the carpet playing Build-a-Person, the politically correct and therefore preschool friendly version of Hang Man, when a student guessed the first letter to the Builder's four-letter word. "P." There were two.  For the love of God no one guess an O. 

One of my students decided it was acceptable to pull his pants down mid-tag to urinate. On the sidewalk. Next to the slide. He proceeded to pull his pants down and continue running from whoever was "It." Not okay. 

Whenever a student feels the urge to use "bathroom talk" I ask them to go into the bathroom. Bathroom talk is for the bathroom, please only those words there. However, sometimes they simply can't bear to wait for the bathroom. Walking back from the pool today I asked two misbehaving students to stop their "not nice words" and separate. The boy whose hand I took looked straight at me with a sly grin. "Butt. Butt Butt Fart. Poop!" There was nothing I could do; the words were said, and there was no bathroom for me to send him to between the pool and the CYC. Boy, did he have a S-word grin on that face! 

Stupid is the S word for five year olds, in case you were wondering. Except for Mr. Know-it-all... he'll correct any tattle-taler when they complain someone called them the "S word."  I constantly have to make some obviously loud clamor to protect the innocent ears of his peers... Sometimes I question honest parenting. 

Who am I kidding? Bathroom humor isn't limited to five and six year olds. It's still damn funny otherwise I wouldn't be blogging about it. 

Week-long Re-cap

My handsome boyfriend made a trip down to MD to see me this week.  He showed up Tuesday afternoon with his roommate while I was still at work.  I got off of work at 5:30 that day and the hours seemed ten times longer with my built up anticipation for hanging out with them.  As soon as I got off of work, I brought the boys to the gym.  We got our work out on, showered, and had a fun dinner out.

Unfortunately I had work early Wednesday. The boys navigated their way through campus while I was at camp and worked out on their own, visited the pool while the Purple Room had pool time ("Whoa, Ms. Palensis those boys are strong. I've never seen anything like that before" -Curious Purple Roomer) and surprised meat the CYC where they got an impromptu tour of that happy place! (Their comments and observations were more than amusing, to say the least.)

Photo Cred: Lauren Levine 

In the evening we drove to DC to go out for the beautiful Kelly's 21st birthday dinner.  Dinner was on the outdoor patio of an Irish restaurant, complete with "tubes" of beer and yummy food. We had a great time celebrating with friends, despite the scorching temperature. Love ya Kell!

Mike and the Pie he bought before dinner @Dangerously Delicious 

Thursday my boys had to leave me. I hated that they had to leave, but I am so grateful they drove down to spend the time they could.  I went to work feeling a little sad, but was immediately refreshed babysitting the cutest 3 year old around to be followed by a night out on the town with my roomies.

Sarah kicked GRE butt earlier on Thursday so we popped some bubbly and got all dressed up to dance at Cornerstone. It was a blast. And now I am paying for it in the 110 degree weather at summer camp.

Oh well. It's almost 5:30 and then I venture down to Ocean City, MD for more of Kelly's bday celebrations!! Woot-woot.

Sorry for the mild post this week. I've been clearly preoccupied as hostess with the mostest and fiesta friend. Hope everyone is having a great week too!

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is my Dad's birthday! I won't share how old he is, mostly because I am unsure myself, partly because it is irrelevant.  

No matter what age, today marks the day my generous, warm-hearted, intelligent, persuasive, funny Daddy was born. Today we shall celebrate how often he made us all question our habits, wonder about facts we thought we knew, broaden our musical horizons, and laugh at his inappropriate humor. 

My Dad is one-of-a-kind. He is smart, funny, and would put me and my sister before anything. All girls should have a Daddy as generous as he. 

Happy birthday Dad!  I owe you a Muffaletta. 

PS- I once beat him in Trivial Pursuit. It's true. Not many people can say that. 

Movie Review Monday - Love and Other Drugs

I was going to entitle this post "Weekend Recap" but then I reconsidered. My weekend was boring and uneventful (other than my emergency trip to the Patient First Clinic to be put on antibiotics for an ailment I won't allow myself to share on Blogger.)

I babysat twice. I laid in bed. I was filled in on Emily's birthday celebrations of which I did not attend. I sulked. I prescribed myself some retail therapy at the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale.

The movie I rented from my trusty 7/11 Redbox was the romantic comedy "Love and Other Drugs" starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway.  Jake Gyllenhall was dreamy. So so dreamy. I fell in love with his dimple and his chisled bod, but his acting - eh... your typical rom-com hunk of an actor.  Anne Hathaway was great. Boy did she grow up since "Princess Diaries." I loved that she wasn't the typical blonde actress usually seen in romantic comedies. I also loved that her character's name was Maggie.  What I didn't love was that the script did not leave a single scene out where someone marveled, stared, or mentioned her breasts. I didn't notice them ... Why did they have to play up an asset that she (in my opinion) is less than famous for? 

Maggie is a snarky artist with early onset Parkinsons. She is not dying, just slowly deteriorating with the only visible symptoms a hand tremor when she becomes nervous.  

Jaime (Gyllenhaal) makes her his catch of the week after coming in unexpected view of her naked boob. To fulfill his predator reputation, he chases her until she accepts his courting. The agreement is that their relationship is purely sex. No feelings, no dating, just sex.

And so it works for the first week. Then of course they eat Chinese food on a couch in a dimly lit living room and fall madly, irrevocably in love because that's how it happens. Eat Lo Mein out of a cardboard box with a sexy man and he will devote himself to your every breath. Thank you Hollywood. 

Seriously though, I really enjoyed the movie. But I like rom-coms. If you don't, don't waste your $1.06. 

Or do, because the actors are beautiful and easy on the eyes.  It's painfully predictable and mildly funny with a cast to please any female viewer and a plot line sappy enough to leave these same viewers in tears.  I'll admit I cried for the last ten minutes. And then I called my loverboy to tell him I loved him and I want to eat Chinese food with him... I'm pathetic. 

Also, if I could live in one store for the rest of my life it would be Nordstrom. 

Laughter is the Best Medicine

I had an exhausting morning. After a 7:00am spin class, a swift jog to work (running late as usual,) a walking field trip to the Creek with seventeen 5 and 6 year olds, I felt depleted.. dizzy.. empty.. pooped. 

Likewise, my roommates had rough starts to their days. Jill is struggling through a nasty cold-like infection, Sarah is stressing over the GRE's, and Lauren, well, Lauren is in baby heaven watching her infant cousin all day in DC...I already regret including her in this post of woes. 

Any who. Any casual matters we were brooding over at the beginning of the day were quickly erased with impromptu girl talk in the living room - rightly so, most of our extempore hangout sessions occur on the cushions of our tiny couch. It's simple and homey and I don't mind putting my feet on it.

We laughed for an hour straight. My abs were sore when I woke up this morning and now they are simply in pain from being over-worked. These girls had me laughing so hard that I achieved my ever-famous laugh-turned-hysterical-sobs bit. 

We laughed about Jill's lime-buying compulsion. She never leaves the grocery store with just a single lime. No, she needs 12. Because everyone needs at least one whole lime per day, and if we're being realistic, at least two whole limes when we're drinking. But there are only four of us living in this aparty-ment so if my math is correct this still leaves an excess of limes.  So if you ever feel you are in need of a lime, come over to our place. Except not tonight. Tonight we had to throw out the 9 rotten limes no one used from the last grocery trip.  By Sunday Jill will bring home another dozen limes. I seriously love that girl so much. 

We reflected on our freshman year and laughed at our freshman selves, certainly not for the first time. 

- Remember how exciting it was to pick out our Bed Bath and Beyond comforters?

- Why did Sarah put up with a measly cot for an entire year when Jill slept next to her in the lap of luxury in her down-adorned bed of clouds?

- Why did Turtle ever close? We never made complete fools out of ourselves there. Or anything ridiculously dangerous. Never. Not once. 

- How awkward were we trying to get to know each other the first week of the rest of our lives? If only we knew how close we would become. 

We laughed at my endless Summer camp stories.


Lil Genius *looking up to no-good* whispers:  "I know what NAKED means."
I ignored him.
 He laughs uncontrollably. 

We laughed at Lauren and Jill's Chevy coworkers and their comedic bitterness.

We laughed at the new home for our cooking oil: wedged between the wall and the refrigerator. Because Jill thought it was nice there. And because why not?

I am now in high-spirits, Jill is feeling healthy, Sarah had a well-deserved study break and Lauren has more fuel to make her happy. Whoever said Laughter is the best medicine couldn't be more right. 

Today I helped some CYC summer campers water the garden. We noticed one of our first crops popped up - about 3 teeny-tiny green tomatoes. 

Me: "Do you think these tomatoes are ready to eat?"

Missy: "Ha-ha! Ms. Alensis you're silly... tomatoes don't eat!!"

Touche, little one. 

Purple Room Fun Facts

My students are a lot like Snapple Caps; they hold a lot of information for their kindergarten-sized containers, but it's hard to say which info they spew is phenomenally true and which is indubitably false. 

My students are clever. They are talkative. They are certainly intelligent. And nothing makes them beam more than making a teacher interested in something they have to say. With that being said, they often vie for my attention with countering their peers' stories. 

Luckily for them, nothing makes me happier than absorbing their lessons (fictitious or not.) 

Today, lunch time: 

B*: Did you know what Pope Benedict's favorite drink is?

Me: Um, no, I don't.

B: It's Fanta. He loves Fanta. It's like Orange Juice but way better.

Yesterday, Morning meeting:

Me: What can you tell me about WATER?

Lil Genius: It can go in your lungs and then you will suffocate and die. I won't go in the pool you can't make me.

Me: Huh... fair enough. 

Monday, Pool time:

Diva: Do you know I can jump so high?

Me: No way.

Diva: Uh-huh. One time I was in Florida and I jumped in the pool so high I scratched a bird.

Me: Wow. I bet you jump really high Ms. Diva.

Diva: Yep.  I kept it's feather. 

Me: You're so silly! Are you telling me truth or telling me a story?

Diva: It's true!! You don't believe me? Ask my cousin. He told me to keep it for my collection. So I did. But I asked him to hold it for me first because I needed to pet my neighbor's dolphin. They have a dolphin in their house. 

Me: Ok. 

Don't tell me it's an easy job distinguishing the honesty from the farce. It certainly is not. 

 

Some days I leave the CYC feeling more like a student than a teacher. I learn a lot from these kids, even if it's just a refresher course in using my imagination. 

*Once again I have changed names to protect the wit and intelligence, and ultimate identity of my Purple Roomers.