Tuesday, April 12, 2011

ENGL 313: so hipster

(According to the University) English 313:  A detailed study of selected major texts of American literature from the 17th century to the 20th century. Issues such as race, gender, and regionalism. Authors such as Franklin, Hawthorne, Dickinson, Hemingway, and Morrison. 

(According to yours truly) English 313: An overly ambitious and impossibly detailed study of texts only heard of by English Professors of American literature from the 17th century to the 20th century.  Issues such as boredom with the occasional interesting discussion will be present, no thanks in part to the less than famous Authors actually covered.  A lecture of 150+ students comprised of the cliche "hipster" English majors and snobby over achievers of UMD.  

Too bad I don't write the class descriptions ... maybe there wouldn't be any need to reserve the unbelievably technologically advanced lecture hall in Tawes Hall for the English Professor who has never seen a Power Point... 

OK i'm done ranting.  I really honestly don't mind the class so much -- I enjoy reading (although not usually 300 pages a night) and I think it is imperative as a self-proclaimed English fanatic to read the American "classics" my superiors tell me are important (why I have never heard of them prior to my third year of college, I do not know. I guess I need to get my head out.) 

However, I will not amend my comment regarding the abundance of "hipsters" scattered among the lecture hall's stadium seating.  Take Speciman A: Nonchalantly strolling in late to class, she adorns herself in a flannel shirt (despite the 70 degree weather) paired with tattered black leggings; a long knitted hobo bag; and a droopy hat (which I have absolutely seen at Urban Outfitters) worn at the back of her unkempt, blond-streaked-jet-black hair.  To top off the outfit: she's wearing impeccably clean, seemingly new, black Uggs.  The kind with extra button accessories on the side.  I ask you this, Ms. Hipster; Do you feel the homeless look you are going for is amplified by the brand new pair of $200 UGG boots?  

5 minutes into class Ms. Hipster is obviously, blatantly disinterested.  She's yawning obnoxiously and lifts her head only to reach into a secret black wallet. What does she pull out?  An electric cigarette.  Not only does she allow the black stick to hang from her gaping mouth, but within seconds she is puffing on it and blowing the smoke into the faces of surrounding pupils.  Really, girlfriend?  Are electric cigarettes even legal in lecture halls?  No one thinks you look cool, and no one wants fake smoke blowing in their face in the middle of the Professor's lecture on Southern Gothic Novels of the Civil War Era.  Thank you. 

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